May 10, 2009

Mother's Day Thoughts

I guess every blogger in the country is probably writing about Mother's Day today, so why not join them? I've already had phone calls this morning from both of my sons, but that's nothing new. I speak to each of them several times a week, if not more. They're all grown up and I try not to bug them with phone calls to check up on them. Rather, I usually wait for them to call me when they want to, unless I have a specific reason to speak with them. I always enjoy hearing their voices; it brightens my day!

My own mother has been gone for 30 years. She died at the age of 56....I have already outlived her. I think about that often, especially today. It's hard to imagine my sons going through life at this point without having me there for them. It's kind of a strange feeling to see that loss from the "other side". My mother's death was sudden and unexpected and took a toll on me, my sister and my brother. Life was just never the same after she died. Yes, we went on with our lives, but I still miss her, even now.

Both of my parents died young -- my father passed five years before my mother. They were gone long before my sons were born, so my boys never knew their other set of grandparents. My mom and dad would have loved them and would have spoiled them rotten! I guess it's because of this that I long for grandchildren of my own. I want to be the type of grandmother that children want to spend time with, want to do things with, and can turn to when they need help. I want to be a grandmother while I'm still young enough and healthy enough to enjoy it, but I don't know if that's in the cards or not.

The truth is....I already am a grandmother. I have a granddaughter who is 3-1/2 years old, but I haven't seen her since she was 10 months old. Her name is Taryn and the last time I saw her, she was beautiful! She had a strong resemblance to her father, including a headful of red hair.

I won't bore the world with the details of the situation. Suffice it to say that her mother and my son did not get along well and things between them ended on an ugly note. The two parents agreed that she would not seek child support from him if he would not ask to see his daughter. As a result, I am unable to see Taryn, although she lives nearby. I've tried many times over the last three years to bridge the gap between me and the mother. I really don't understand why she has kept me from knowing my granddaughter except that it's a way to get even with my son and to completely sever the ties to our side of the family. I think of this beautiful child every single day! I wonder what she's up to, how she's doing, what she sounds like and looks like. I actually found her mother's Facebook page and saw a picture of Taryn at the age of 3. She looked so grown up with her long, red pigtails! My gosh, she's beautiful! She looks so much like my son, but her mother would never admit that, I'm sure. I sent the mother a kind, non-threatening note and asked if she would allow me to reconnect with them, but she immediately blocked me and everyone else I know from her Facebook page! All I have is the picture of Taryn that I was able to copy before she blocked me out.

So, although Mother's Day is wonderful because I have two grown sons whom I love very much, and with whom I have a wonderful relationship, it's also a day of sadness for me because of what I'm missing. I hope that someday, when Taryn reaches the legal age of 18, she will come looking for us and will choose to make that connection. We all love her and miss her! I also hope that someday I'll have other grandchildren to enjoy. If it is meant to be, it will happen. Until then, I'll live with the memories I have of holding my little granddaughter when she was an infant and will go on with an aching in my heart to hold her again.

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful post! It is my prayer that you will know your gradgirl one day...if it is meant to be. Life is full of joy and pain...
    one thing I do know about you my friend, you will survive!
    Happy Mother's Day!