R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

Let me start by saying this: OMG! Has it really been more than two years since I posted on this blog? Unbelievable! Where does the time go?

Well, I'm still working as a tour guide in DC and I'm wrapping up the 2012 season this week. I have a great group of two middle schools from the Chicago area and have enjoyed the past couple of days with them. It's been a fairly easy schedule, so I've had some time to reflect on this year's groups...and that has me thinking about life and the world in general.

So, here's my question: What ever happened to the concept of "respect"? I'm referring to respect for other people, respect for property, respect for laws and rules, respect for our Nation's Government and leadership...just respect for everything! Have we become such a society of "entitlement" that everyone thinks they are the only person or thing that matters on earth? Do they think the rules only apply to everyone else and not to them?

I know...I'm ranting. Let me give you some specific examples. Let's start with the simplest of issues, but one that I deal with every day that I'm leading a tour.

One of the first things I do with a group is introduce myself and tell them that I have a couple of simple rules that I ask them to follow, the most important of which is that when I'm talking, they not talk. Common courtesy, right? Apparently not! I expect to still have some students whispering while I speak, although I will ask them to stop if the chaperones don't step up and do it. But what am I supposed to do when the adults are the ones who are being rude? Last week I had a group of Girl Scouts here for the "Rock The Mall" celebration on the National Mall. As I was speaking on the bus, two parents who were one row behind me and across the aisle continued to talk at full volume, even as I was asking everyone to be quiet! How do I straighten them out without having them lose face in front of the girls? I put up with it or a while, then finally addressed it in a humorous way, but I shouldn't have had to deal with it at all!

Then there are the students I take to the many memorials and monuments who have no respect for these beautiful structures that are there to thank our heroes, both of war and of peace. Last weekend, it was incredibly hot during Rock The Mall. Following the event, we went to the World War II Memorial, which has a beautiful fountain in the middle of it. There were dozens of people wading in the fountain up to their knees, despite the numerous signs that clearly say "NO WADING". This is a MEMORIAL, for crying out loud! The wall of stars there represents almost 500,000 American casualties of the war! Show some respect for those people who gave THEIR lives for YOUR freedom! Come to the memorial to celebrate, enjoy its beauty, but stay out of the water!!

And I can't tell you how many times I have to tell one of the boys in my group to not jump off the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. I'm not talking about him walking down to the last step and jumping; I'm talking about boys (yes, it is always the boys!) running across the plaza in front of the building and taking a flying leap from the top of the 7th step! One fell when he landed and could easily have broken an arm or leg! And stop walking/climbing/siting on every wall/step/rock/ramp you see. The memorials are not your personal playground or jungle gym!

I recently took a group to the National Archives to see the Declaration of Independence and U.S. Constitution. The Archives does not allow photography, so I always tell my students to leave their cameras on the bus. While waiting to get through the security check, an 8th-grader from another group stepped up to the sign that said "NO PHOTOGRAPHY", pulled out her cell phone and took a photo of the sign! I was incensed! I looked at her and said, "Why would you take a photograph of a sign that clearly says 'no photography'?" She actually looked at me and had the gall to respond, "I wasn't taking a picture." What am I, an idiot or something?

Finally, one of my biggest pet peeves: referring to the President of the United States by his first name or without using his title, such as "is Obama at home in the White House today?" I always correct the students and explain that he should be addressed as President Obama (or Bush or Clinton or whomever), Mr. President or the President out of respect for the office. It doesn't matter if you voted for him or not. It doesn't matter if you agree with his policies or like him. The leader of the free world has earned the right to be addressed properly! And what about the adults who do this? What kind of example are they setting for the next generation?

I won't even get started on drivers who have no respect for other drivers! I think you get the point by now.

What's a person to do? I was raised to respect others, respect property, respect and celebrate the history of our glorious country. I have this nagging fear that the next generation isn't going to get it -- they won't know how to behave respectfully in public because they're not being taught by their parents. What kind of a world will we be living in then?

Memorial Day Thoughts

The bulk of the tour season is behind me and I actually have a little free time to post something. The last month has been incredibly busy as I've worked several long stretches of tours without a break. Right now, I'm towards the end of a 10-day stretch that included the routine 8th grade tour, a marching band that came to perform in the National Memorial Day Parade, a middle school history club (starting this afternoon), and, most interesting of all, a group of families who have lost loved ones through their military service. They were in Washington for Memorial Day weekend at a conference of TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors), a non-profit organization that helps these families cope with their loss.

I learned a lot about TAPS while I was with the group on Friday evening. The membership is made up of servicemen/women as well as people who have lost loved ones in the war -- any war -- and are willing to help others going through similar experiences. I can't even begin to tell you how impressed I was with this incredible organization! Not only do they help adults, but they have an outstanding program that matches children who have lost parents or siblings with active duty military members from the same branch of the service who act as their mentors and buddies. They even had a "Good Grief Camp" for children as part of the weekend's activities, a place where kids could express their feelings of loss and learn how to cope with it. The weekend conference had a lot of fun activities, but it also had seminars to help survivors deal with the paperwork and bureaucratic red tape, support group meetings, grief counseling, financial counseling, etc. What a wonderful resource for these families! They had over 1400 people attend!

TAPS had posted a request for tour guides on the Guild of Professional Tour Guides of Washington, DC website a few weeks ago, asking for volunteers to lead tours for the families on Friday evening, and I was quick to jump at the chance. I met the group at their hotel in Crystal City, Virginia and had just a little over two hours to show them around the city. The motor coach was packed, so I had a young man (age 13) sitting next to me, his mom and younger sister across the aisle. His father was killed in action almost two years ago and I could still see the pain in his mother's face. I kept thinking how smart she was to take advantage of this organization to help them get through the difficult times. I was so impressed by all of the people on the tour -- the pride they felt for the loved ones they had lost seemed to far outweigh their feelings of grief. I'm sure they have all had many dark days, with more ahead, but they were all happy to be in Washington to celebrate Memorial Day and honor their fallen heroes. I felt truly honored to be a part of that!

I am fortunate that I have never lost a loved one in a war, and being a part of the Memorial Day activities all weekend reminded me of how lucky I am. It also reminded me of that old, but true saying: "Freedom isn't free!" That's one of the things I try to get across to all of my tour groups, especially the students, as I take them to the various memorials and monuments. I have a tremendous respect for those who serve(d) our country -- past and present -- and do all that I can to honor them. When I see someone in uniform, I thank them for their service. When I see veterans visiting the memorials (especially the World War II), I encourage my students to go up and speak with them and I do the same.

Memorial Day weekend is over, but that doesn't mean we should stop showing respect and honor for our servicemen and women. Just the opposite! It's easy to think about them on a special day, but I encourage you to think of them and pray for their safety every day! I know I do!

Mother's Day

It's been a long time since I posted on my blog. The last six weeks have been so busy between tours, chorus competition, scrapbooking, family, etc. The tour season is going pretty well. I've had some great groups and just one that was obnoxious and rude to the point that I'd rather not work with them again. For the most part, it's been great so far.

The diet is going well, too -- I'm down about 19 pounds from when I first started Weight Watchers. It's been slow and mostly steady, with a few detours along the way. All of the walking on my tours is really helping, but sometimes it's hard to stick to the program when I end up eating out so many times in a week. Still, I'm doing the best I can and making good choices most of the time. Yesterday I was even able to wear a pair of denim capris that were too tight last year, so that was encouraging.

So you're probably wondering what has compelled me to write today when I've been "silent" for so long. Easy enough to answer -- it's Mother's Day, a day filled with mixed emotions for me. I have two wonderful, grown sons whom I love dearly and who love me. We have a great relationship, albeit somewhat long distance these days. Dan lives about 3 hours north, so I certainly won't get to see him today, but he's already called this morning and we had a nice, long chat. Paul lives about an hour south of me and I spent most of yesterday with him, so I told him not to make the trip up for a visit today. He just came back from two weeks of training and has a lot of catching up to do before starting work again tomorrow. I completely understand why I won't be with my children today, but that makes it feel like just any other day, not like Mother's Day.

My own mother died in 1978, so it's been over 30 years since I've been able to spend the day with her. I used to go to the cemetery each year on Mother's Day, but stopped doing that a while ago. I was there a few months ago to visit, so that will have to do. I do think about her and wish she were still here, but that's beyond my control.

So why does this day feel so sad rather than happy? It comes down to one simple thing -- my granddaughter, Taryn. If you've read my blog from the beginning, you know I've written about her before. She's Dan's daughter, but without going into a whole, long explanation, let me just say that her mother, Liz, has kept her completely away from our family for almost four years. Yes, there's a custody agreement in place (Liz and Dan were married for only a year), but the two of them agreed that she wouldn't ask him to pay child support if he wouldn't ask to see Taryn. Dan moved away shortly after the divorce was finalized and he has moved on with his life. He is in a wonderful relationship with a lovely woman who has three little girls and I love all of them. I hope someday the two of them will get married, but in the meantime, Dan considers them to be his family. Still, that doesn't heal the aching in my heart or the emptiness I feel because I don't get to see my granddaughter.

The last time I saw Taryn, she was about 10 months old. She was crawling, pulling herself up to a stand and starting to take some steps if you held her hands. Now she's almost five years old! Think about everything I've missed! I think about it every single day of my life. I almost got to see her last June. I was at the American Cancer Society Relay For Life and it turned out that Liz was on a team, along with her mother, and had brought Taryn with her. My sister and friend saw them and tried to talk to them, but as soon as Liz realized I was there, she scooped Taryn up and took her home. How can someone be that cruel? I've never done anything to her or the baby to warrant that kind of treatment. For whatever reasons, Liz may hate my son, but that doesn't give her the right to hate me! All I've ever wanted is to get to know my granddaughter... to get to spend time with her...to have the chance to love her. My friends and family tell me I have to let go and, maybe, when Taryn is 18, she'll come looking for us. Easy for them to say...impossible for me to do. I don't know if I'll even be around when she turns 18, but even if I am, I will have missed the most important years of her life!

What can I do? From the research I've done, I have rights as a grandparent, but the State of Maryland will go along with the custodial parent's decision unless I can prove that Taryn is being abused. I know that's not the case; she's very well loved. Lately, though, I've been thinking about talking to a lawyer to see if anything can be done. What's been stopping me up to now? Liz has threatened to go after Dan for the money he owes if I do this, and I don't want to put him into that position. There's no way he can afford to pay the back child support, even though I doubt she'd win her case. She broke their agreement first by refusing to bring Taryn to our home for visitation. It was after that when she and Dan came to their unofficial agreement. Still, she's mean and vindictive -- as her behavior at Relay last year proved once again -- so I wouldn't put it past her.

So here I am again...another Mother's Day and no granddaughter to visit me. It's the same old story, but there's a little bit of a twist this time. I do have a great-niece, Hannah, who is 9 months old. My niece and sister have been wonderful about allowing me to be a part of her life, but it's just not the same. I love Hannah dearly and have since the day she was born, but now she's crawling and babbling and pulling herself up to a stand...exactly the same things Taryn was doing the last time I saw her. So as much as I love Hannah and the rest of her/my family, it is also very hard for me to be around her because of the memories it brings back. I watch my sister and brother-in-law play with her and the joy they feel as grandparents, and I'm so envious I could just die. I hate feeling this way, but I can't help it. I think that once Hannah gets past the stage that Taryn was at -- once she is walking and talking -- it will be easier. Until then, I'll smile and laugh at her antics and try not to think of the little red-headed girl -- the one who looks so much like my son -- that I can't be with today or any day.

Lest you think I don't appreciate that it's Mother's Day, let me say how thankful I am to have two grown sons who are healthy, happy and gainfully employed...who are living on their own (with only an occasional request for help)...and who worry about me. I love you, Paul and Dan. It's just that I have a lot more love available and wish I could share some of it with my granddaughter.

'Tis the Season

My life began anew today...my life as a tour guide, that is. This evening was the first day of my first student tour of the 2010 season! Hooray and hallelujah! Boy, it sure felt good to be back out there leading a group, telling them about our Nation's Capital and sharing the sights. And, I'm pleased to say, I've still got it! Sure, I spent a little time this morning going over my notes on the memorials and other sights, but once the group arrived, everything fell into place and I felt right at home.

The group I'm working with through Tuesday is from Idaho and it turns out that I've had them before. I kept thinking when I looked at the name of the middle school and the group leader that they sounded familiar, but when I looked back over last year's materials and schedule, they weren't there. So, there I was at Union Station, waiting for the group to arrive to have dinner, and as they stepped off the escalator, the group leader saw me, hollered out my name and gave me a big hug! I was right -- I did know them...but they were last here two years ago, not last year! They're from a small school and don't come every year. But they remembered me and requested me as their tour guide. I think that's the greatest honor and feedback that you can get from a group!

We had dinner at Uno Pizzeria (where I was very good on my diet), then headed for the World War II Memorial and Washington Monument. I could just feel that warm, familiar glow come over me as we drove around the city and saw all the buildings and memorials lit up. It doesn't matter how many times I see them -- and this is my fourth year as a guide -- it always sends a shiver up my spine. Washington, DC is a beautiful city, especially at night! Standing in front of the WW II Memorial, you can see the Washington Monument and all the way down to the Capitol looking east and a magnificent view of the Lincoln Memorial to the West. What a sight!

After that, we went over to the White House for a photo opportunity. The group leader had never seen it at night and was a little hesitant, but was delighted when she saw how beautiful it is all lit up. Of course, there were a gazillion pictures taken of the group in front of the White House -- heaven forbid they should actually share digital images! LOL! Every group I've been with is the same when it comes to that issue. You'd think they could designate one or two "official photographers" to take the group shots and pass them along to the rest, but everyone wants their own version on their own camera. It's okay, really. Some of them will never get another chance to come to Washington, so I want them to be happy!

That was it for tonight. These kids and adults have been up since 3:00 am Idaho time -- and with the switch to Daylight Savings Time, some of them never slept last night at all! They were beat, so the bus driver (one of my favorites) dropped me at Metro, I headed home and the group headed for the hotel. It's a very nice group -- fairly small and lots of adults (almost as many as there are students) and very well-behaved. I can't wait to meet them again tomorrow morning as we start a very long day with a stop at the Capitol Visitors Center.

I'm in the groove again and it feels great! I'm sure my attitude will be quite different by the time May and June roll around, but this is what I love to do and I'm glad it's started up again!

Up and Down and All Around

Gosh, it's been kind of a strange week. I don't know why, really, but my mood has been going up and down like a roller coaster. I guess part of it is related to the weather. We haven't had any additional snow since the second blizzard, but everywhere you go there are mountains and mountains of the stuff! I'm sick of trying to weave around piles in parking lots, not being able to see around them when I'm at an intersection waiting for traffic to clear, looking at the "black snow" that's created by the plowing and car exhausts, having events (especially chorus rehearsals) cancel because of the snow. I guess maybe I have a case of the winter doldrums, but that's only part of it.

Maybe it's because my 59th birthday was Saturday. I'm usually pretty positive about birthdays, although I'm not into huge parties or anything like that. Since my father died at the age of 54 and my mom five years later at the age of 56, I figure that every day I live is more than they had and a cause for celebration. And yet, I look at that number -- 59 -- and I know what's coming in just 360 days -- the "big 6-0"! I am already in my 60th year and that seems unreal! I don't feel that old and I certainly don't act that old! I look back at what my mom was like before she died and it seemed like she was much older than her years. I guess a lot of it has to do with my perspective and perceptions; she seemed older because she was my mother. I wonder if my children feel the same way about me? Probably not because I'm a lot more active than my mom was in her later years. After all, I sing, I'm a tour guide, a docent, and I have a fairly busy life. Mom was still recovering from the loss of my dad, her soul mate, even five years later, and I think that took a toll on her. I lost my husband to divorce almost eight years ago and, at the end, we were anything but soul mates. I have moved on with my life and done pretty well on my own.

Still, I've spent a lot of time this week thinking about where I am in my life. My sister and I have talked about it together, too, since she turned 65 last month. It's a very strange feeling to know that the majority of my time on earth is behind me, not ahead of me. It's a perspective that I don't think about too often, but there's nothing like a birthday to put it in your head for a while. I go with my quartet and chorus to sing at a lot of nursing homes, including units for patients with Alzheimer's. I love to see their faces light up when we start to sing, but at the same time, I wonder if that's what lies ahead for me. Will I end up being one of them, waiting for some outsiders to come and entertain me? It's a frightening thought!

I've also been spending a lot of time alone during the past few weeks, what with the blizzards and all. It's been a year since Paul moved out, so I'm glad to say I've made it through my first year of solo living! Most of the time, it's good. I don't have to worry about anyone's schedule but mine. I come and go as I please, eat when I'm hungry, cook if I feel like it (not too often, unfortunately), watch whatever TV shows I want, etc. But just about every night, there comes a time when the loneliness becomes almost overwhelming. I'll be sitting at the computer visiting Facebook or playing games and realize it's midnight or 1:00 am...and then I recognize that the reason I'm still at the computer is because I don't want to go to bed. I'm tired and sleepy, but going to bed alone only emphasizes my loneliness. I'm not talking about sex; I'm talking about the comfort of snuggling up to someone you love or having a person to talk to about your day. When I get into bed, pull up the covers and turn off the lights, it's just me and the TV. (Oh, yeah, I talk to the TV...but it doesn't answer back.) I don't even have a dog any more to get in bed with me and give me comfort. These are the hardest hours of the day and sometimes, when I'm having a bout of insomnia (like I did one night this week), they seem to go on forever. Eventually I fall asleep and, with no place special to be in the morning, I sleep in as late as I want. The mood has usually cleared by morning, but this week, it seems to be lingering on.

Now, before my wonderful nieces, sons and friends decide they are going to make me their "project" and start looking for a match for me, let me make it perfectly clear: don't bother! Most of the time, I'm fine with being alone. I'm just going through a rough spell right now and I'm sure it will pass. I'm not interested in dating and, as I've said many times, if it's in the cards for me to meet someone, it will happen without anyone else's help. I have the most wonderful support system in the world! I have a great, close, loving family, a large circle of friends who go out of their way to keep me involved and active, and my work to keep me busy...at least, it will once the tour season kicks in again next month. Just allow me my little bit of time to wallow in self-pity and then I'll be my cheerful self again.

Life is a roller coaster. This week I'm at the bottom of the hill. Who knows what next week will bring? I'll just have to wait and see.